Stevie has been preparing Makenzie for the traditional ringing in of the New Year: the dropping of the ball in Times Square. After mentioning this several times, Makenzie finally said, " dropping what ball? who's going to catch it?"

Growing up, whenever I'd get to feeling sorry for myself or lamenting about some such thing, my grandmother would always say, "Count your blessings". I've been having a tough time, emotionally, of late. The one-year anniversary of my mother's passing is approaching and the thought that goes through my mind most often is how much her life affected my dad, me, my brothers, and our kids. Our lives, as children, were full of turmoil, insecurity, doubt, fear, longing and disappointment. I know as an adult, and especially as a Christian, I have the responsibility of rising above my past and the heartache. The "but" that follows is not about me, per se, but about those that I love; about their eternal futures. I don't know their hearts for sure, but I'm very uncertain that I will get to spend eternity with them. That saddens me beyond description. You would think that belonging to an evangelical church would be a source that could contend with that, but alas, that is not the case. In fact, this is exactly the reason for my state of mind of late. Instead of having a mentor that I can turn to and ask for guidance, my mentor is mad at me for something she thought I said. Instead of having a pastor that I can trust my children with, I have a pastor that chose to be inappropriate with my child, not once or twice, but three times. Instead of having a nursery I can rely on to watch my babies while I'm getting some much-needed spiritual food, I have a short-staffed nursery that has no director. I am lost and struggling with despair. I'm incredibly angry and bitter toward my brother's ex-wife and the part she's played in my brother's woes. I want to reach out and have some human contact and compassion. I know I have a Heavenly Father that will NEVER forsake me, I know that the church is just people, people that are just like me, not perfect. I know all these things. But...my father is lost and I don't know how to reach him. My brothers are incredibly lost and their physical lives are in jeopardy and I'm just so sad. Instead of being able to reach out to my church for help, I'm having to contend with petty issues and gossip. I'm frustrated and lonely.
Just writing this, I'm going to be facing the flak of someone thinking that this is about them and then they'll get mad at me. I have SO many people mad at me because I have voiced MY concerns, opinions, and beliefs that I feel like I'm looked upon as the plague!
Now, I can hear my grandmother's voice: "Count your blessings"
1. My salvation
2. My husband
3. Stevie
4. Makenzie
5. Zoe
6. Isaac
7. My home
8. My health
9. My material possessions
10. My freedom
11. My family
12. My friends
13. The beauty in this world
14. The memory of my grandmother
15. My abilities
16. My talents
17. My gifts
18. The Bible
19. Technology
20. Medicine
21. The kindness of strangers
22. Free will
23. Music
24. Art
25. Literature
26. The countless generosities that have been shown to me.
27. My zeal
28. My education
29. Hope
30. Faith
31. Courage
32. Endurance
33. Determination
34. The opportunity to home school my children
35. The Holy Spirit
36. Intercessory prayer
37. My morality
38. Lessons learned from past mistakes
39. The chance to teach those lessons to my kids
40. My dreams
41. Coffee
42. My sense of humor
43. The ability to forgive
44. The forgiveness I've received
45. Fond childhood memories
46. My hobbies
47. My senses
48. My sanity
49. The self-control I do possess
50. The ability to learn
51. The love of very good friends

I hope you've made it through this list. I know it would be easier to just remember all the bad stuff that I mentioned in the beginning, but it would be so much more meaningful to remember the list I compiled. Maybe to offer suggestions for additions...or maybe you can create your own list. Whatever your choice, I'm grateful that you took the time to read what I wrote--to listen to me, so to speak. I know I'll get through this funk, because I do have all those items listed above to remind me of what is important and enduring.

Zoe Day 4 of 365

Zoe Day 4 of 365
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

I finally got the tear shot! (of course it took getting a new camera!!)

...you know you're getting old(er) when...

Message In a Bottle by The Police is on Musak!

...you know you're getting old(er) when...
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Stevie's Joke:
You know how "they" say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from constipation?
Does that mean the 5th person enjoys it?

NO WAY!!! Can you believe it? OMGoodness!!!

NO WAY!!! Can you believe it? OMGoodness!!!
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

WOO HOO!!!
I'm doing the "I got a new-way-too-cool-camera dance"!!!

Santa Baby

Santa Baby
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Here's wishing everyone a very Merry CHRISTmas!

According to Makenzie:
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only forgotten Son, that whoever shall believe in Him shall not die but have eternal life."

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=d82817e58f6b8a4dc1d6698G06121716

Check it out!!!

PEACE ~ It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
---from Marilyn Scott-Waters The Toymaker Newsletter

My maternal grandmother was very dear to me. She took me in every time my mom left us and I tell everyone that she raised me. She passed away when she was only 57. I was still very young then and I missed her more than words could ever express.

I did have a relationship with my mom after I was grown. Sometimes that relationship was a good one and sometimes the relationship was strained. My mom was an alcoholic and I believe that the love or need or desire to maintain her lifestyle proved to keep her separated from what most would call a normal life. I loved my mom despite her addiction and was able to maintain a threadbare tie with her until her passing earlier this year.

My grandmother had lupus and basically that disease just ravaged her body; killing her from the inside out. She had a stroke and fought for a couple of days to regain consciousness. During that time, I worked all day and spent every night at the hospital just in case she did wake up. It was beyond hard. Even though I was young, it was exhausting, and the emotional toll was all but unbearable. She did not awaken. I do believe, though, that I will see her again; that her eternity will be in heaven. So now, as a mature Christian, the pain of her passing has been replaced with peace.

On my mother's birthday, the summer after my grandmother died, I went to visit my mom; to take her a gift and to spend the afternoon with her. When I got to her home, she was so drunk, she could barely walk. My mom was a crying drunk and this particular time was no exception. We ended up fighting and I told her that I would never sit by her hospital bed and watch her die because she was the one that was killing herself. I left angry but I didn't drive home, instead, I went to the cemetery where my grandmother was buried. I sat at the headstone and cried. I cried and cried. When the tears finally stopped, I went home and slept. The next morning, my mom called me. She apologized for her behavior and our argument. She'd never done that before. In college, I wrote about that time and I entitled it "The Solace Stone".

Just the other day I got an e-mail from a long-time friend. She's given me permission to include it on my blog. Here is the e-mail, almost in its entirety:

Hi Melisse,
Been enjoying your blog and look at it daily. The photos are super neat and you are really doing a great job!
I know you are real busy with everything, but I've been led to email you and tell you something.
It's not bad news, so don't set your hair on fire.
Some time back, you mentioned on your blog on Nov 9 th, this.........
What do I hope to accomplish by writing all these thoughts twirling around in my head? A few things, I suppose:
1) Know the Lord, and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.
2) Remember to call your mom, often.
3) Forgive petty faults and ignorant deeds.
4) Hold your kids, often.

So, what I want to write about is the #2, call your mom.
Shortly after your mom passed away, in my regular dusting and such I found something that I thought you might like to have. I had no idea this was in my possession. A forgotten something.
I took this as a sign from your mom, but at the time, I didn't think you would want this.
What it is, is a simple note, in my handwriting that I wrote down at the time frame you went on a trip. Maybe it was the bus ride, way back at the time we both worked for Vicki Williams.
It reads on the note paper, "Melisse's Mom 331-7609"
Apparently, you wanted me to be able to reach her - just in case.
The relationship you had with her at the time was complex, but you and she loved each other.
So, my question is, would you like to have this memento? I would love to mail it to you, if so.
You know I have some funky thoughts and I've talked about when my relatives pass away, they come and visit me, or my other good friends or family to let us know they are well and in God's hands. This especially seems to happen soon after their passing.
And I look at this as a gift from your mom, to me to give to you when the time was right if you wanted it.
And the reason why now I'm led to tell you this, more so than before, besides I knew last year the hurt was too fresh, is because of the Season.

I received that note today from my friend, Kathy.

I can't honestly say that I feel at peace about my mom's passing, but when I received this today, I did recall the time I'd visited my grandmother's grave. Maybe I should feel peace. Maybe I can. Or maybe it is a reminder that all people, regardless of their faults, need to be called on, called out to.

As we hurry ourselves preparing for holiday gatherings and events, let us all remember those that need to hear the Good News. Those that need to know that forgiveness can be theirs, just for the asking. Let us remember that we can all know that there is Peace the Passes ALL Understanding.

A few years ago, Grandma bought a Fisher Price Nativity set for Makenzie for Christmas. I keep it put up in its box during the year and let her play with it at Christmas time. This year I didn't get it out because she's six now, as she so often reminds me, and not a baby anymore and I figured she wouldn't be totally forthcoming with sharing with Zoe, plus Zoe has her own FP Christmas village. Well, last week, when we put up the Christmas decorations, I had to keep reminding Makenzie that she shouldn't play with my Nativity set because the figurines are breakable. I caught her playing with the angel today--she was flying her over the FP dolls that go in Zoe's dollhouse. I reminded her again and then asked if Stevie would get her Nativity set down for her. Makenzie came downstairs and told me that Stevie couldn't find her "Activity set".

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

sorry guys, but I gotta tell ya...only 23 more days! Geesh!

Scarecrow buddies

Scarecrow buddies
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Grandma bought these for the kids after Thanksgiving. Stevie and Makenzie want to put these in their rooms! LOL!