Monday, January 22, 2007

posted by Melisse at 5:26 PM

1 Comments:

Blogger Roger said...

I've been in this place before, Mel. The night I proposed to Susie (previous relationship) her two children were involved in an accident. Her oldest (my heart) was thrown out of a truck some 40 feet down an imbankment when a drunk driver hit the truck she was in. Tosha landed on her head, which cracked her skull. Seven and a half years old and she had already been a victim of more abuse than many adults. Her drug addict/alcoholic dad walked out on them when she was barely two. He found another family he loved more. Then her Mom moved in with a physically abusive man. This man would do things like make her stip naked then lock her in the utility room ...in the dark .. and make her sleep there. One night, after Susie and I started dating, Tosha came to me and asked, "Would you please be my Daddy. I just want a Daddy that is nice to Mommy and me and my sister."

She died minutes after we arrived at the hospital. I was told, by EMS, that Tosha had been crying for ME at the accident scene. She begged them to find me so I could make her feel better.

I had so much anger towards God. Not that He took her but more the way He took her. How could an "all loving God" allow a child that had already had her share of pain....and let her die like a dog hit by a car. While at the hospital, waiting to see if the baby was going to live...a priest started walking my way. I took alot of frustration out on him and told him IF he could find out why God allowed this to happen.....I'd talk.
So I know what you are feeling Mel. I can only tell you that as humans we tend to look at things NOW.....and forget about the eternity. Ironically it was a Mormon Bishop that made me realize this when he said, "The time we spend on this Earth is but a minute of a second compared to the eternal life we will have with the Heavenly Father." That made me think about alot of things and what brought me back to Him. Her death may have saved my life. Prior to this day, I was living life like "I" was the boss. Never asked for His help nor did I thank Him for any of His blessings. After Tosha's death, things looked so much differently.
What scared me, Mel, is we NEVER think of a child dying before us. It isn't suppose to happen that way. When Tosha died it made me fully realize that we can go at any time. We have NO control of that. Was I ready to stand in front of God then? NO. Am I ready now? Yes.
I hope you can find your inner peace, Mel. I know how hard it is and I know how 'alone' you feel.
God does love you.....your wonderful family is proof of that.

7:33 PM

 

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