I don't know if it's the holiday season or the soon-coming one-year anniversary of my mom's passing, but I've been thinking of her quite a bit lately. It is still hard to believe that she is gone. Probably because of the distance that was between us--not only physically but emotionally.
When I was young, we didn't always get along and I always hated her alcohol addiction, but I still clung to her as my mom. I remember being a kid and hating it when she took a nap--I would always check to see if she was breathing. I was terrified that she might die. I wonder if my kids think that way too; they never let me take a nap!
As I got older, especially after I had children, we drifted so far apart. Largely due to the fact that she moved to Port Isabel, Texas. We didn't communicate easily, so phone calls were few and far between. We always vacationed down there, so I did get to see her once a year or so, but she was so involved in her way of life, that we didn't fit in well. We would always have to make an appearance at the American Legion--a smoke-filled hole-in-the-wall bar. That place was her life; she was very proud to be a part of it. They made her an officer and she was always boasting of their good deeds. For me, though, it still seemed like such a waste. We would make our appearance and then there would be a phone call or two before I saw her again.
When Mom first died, all I could bring to mind were good memories. Now, I seem to be flooded with the childhood memories, most of which were not necessarily good. Confusing times.
Just last weekend, at Daniel's funeral, I saw my mom's family for the first time in years. It was the first for many to meet my three youngest kids. More than once, it was mentioned that they all resemble my mom; this is a fact, indeed!
What do I hope to accomplish by writing all these thoughts twirling around in my head? A few things, I suppose:
1) Know the Lord, and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.
2) Remember to call your mom, often.
3) Forgive petty faults and ignorant deeds.
4) Hold your kids, often.
posted by Melisse at 8:56 AM
2 Comments:
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9:33 PM
from my e-mail:
I read in your blog how you are having a tough time because of the holidays and losing your mom. I was reading in the Daily Bread something regarding this and though this might help.
“We buried my wife’s father 2 days before Thanksgiving, and every year the holiday is tinged with the sorrow of losing him. No doubt your calendar contains some of these difficult days that roll around once a year bringing fresh reminders of losses that still hurt and people you still miss. A Wall Street Journal article calls these dates “emotional land mines” and says they may be even more difficult to face when the coincide with national holidays or anniversaries of signigicant events.
Grief counselors point out that taking a positive step can help us deal with grief. One year we planted a tree to mark the anniversary of a parent’s death and the birth of a grandson on the same day. A scholarship fund or a memorial gift can benefit others while honoring the memory of a loved one. But a deep healing of spirit is a gift from God.
You may know Psalm 23 by heart, but try reading it with new eyes today. This familiar passage of comfort proclaims “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (v.6). Not ust some of the days—all the days.
When we traverse the emotional minefield of paintful memories, the Good Shepherd is eith us on every difficult day.
Savior, Please stay close beside
Be my comfort, Lord a, and guide,
When I’m troubled, tempted, tried,
May Your love and grace abide.
Brandt
The sweetest experience of God’s love
Can be found in times of sorrow.
God Bless You,
Love You
Glenda
9:35 PM
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