Mel's Place

2009-06-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

sometimes, when I think of you
my heart skips a beat
I can't imagine what I'll do
if I never have
one chance
to look into your eyes
to softly touch your face
to feel your hand in mine
to be in your embrace

2008-11-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

Recently I heard a sermon based on Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say, rejoice."

How could Paul ask us to always rejoice? Knowing that life can be so challenging, how can I, as a Christian, always have the attitude of joy?
I suppose I could start by knowing the difference between rejoicing, praising, and giving thanks...
I praise God for who He is.
I give thanks to God for what He does.
I WILL rejoice to God for the expectation of good.

The promises God made are ALWAYS greater than any problem that I might encounter.
Rejoicing doesn't equal accepting the bad, it is equal to realizing that God is greater than any circumstance.

If I choose to focus on the expectation of God's good promises, rather than of anything or anyone that disappoints or challenges me, than I can live with an attitude of joy and experience peace--the peace that only comes from God.
No longer do I need to look to another person to meet my expectations of being less alone...no longer do I need to look at my plight in life to consider myself a success or failure...no longer do I need to focus on the 'have nots'...but on the Good that I will experience.

Jesus said, "Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven." ~Luke 10:20

and James...
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trail, for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those that love Him.
~James 1:12

2008-11-09T20:24:00.001-08:00

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satisfied. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

Zoe asked me if I would still love her when she grew up...

2008-09-27T13:44:00.001-07:00

Zoe asked me if I would still love her when she grew up...
Originally uploaded by mel's place

Zoe doesn’t respond well to change…well, most children don’t…but her response can be very dramatic. Once, upon discovering that she would not always remain a little girl, she burst into tears, lamenting that she didn’t want to grow up. No amount of reasoning or assurance could comfort her and she cried almost all the rest of the night. She would manage to be ok for a bit and then, out of the blue, would be crying again. Thankfully, it only lasted the one night…since, as a four-year old, her memory and attention span is short-lived.

So it didn’t come as a surprise when she asked me, “will you still love me when I grown up?” But it did melt my heart.

Oh to have the innocence and security of a four-year old that lives for being a princess child and relishes in the love of her mommy.

2008-08-24T12:02:00.001-07:00

You Are 81% Creative

You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity.

Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool!

How Creative Are You?

2008-08-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

of all the things
You could provide
of all the desires
You could fulfill
I would like
nothing more
than just to hear
You speak my name

of all the heartbreak
You could heal
of all the joy
You could bring
I would like
nothing more
than just to feel
Your arms around me

of all the wishes
my heart could make
of all the dreams
my mind could think
I would like
nothing more
than to see You smile

to see You smile
for me

2008-08-22T17:28:00.001-07:00

looks like cupid missed...<3

2008-08-13T13:41:00.001-07:00

looks like cupid missed...
Originally uploaded by mel's place

2008-08-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

and when I die
I'll awake the next moment in Glory
and wait for you
I know you will be there too, someday
and there will be no
confusion
only perfect friendship
and there will be no
distance
only perfect fellowship
and there will be no
tears
only perfect JOY

2008-08-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Usually, when a movie finds its way into my heart as a favorite, or at least one I'd watch again, it is because of some line of dialogue...a line that is probably completely insignificant and most always overlooked by my peers...
I've had the following exchange in my mind all morning and have searched the internet over and over to try to determine which movie it came from, to no avail...and then finally, my mind's eye focuses and I can see it clearly......

You know, I was thinking,
I don't want you to be my doctor.

I don't want you to...
examine me and...

Why?

Because I like you so much.

And I... I don't want
to examine you.

You don't? Why not?

Because I like you so much.

The movie is Meet Joe Black.

of course you have to watch the whole movie to completely understand the meaning...the last scene is as follows:

You're here.

You bet.

Well, where did you go?

I don't know.

I don't...

I... I don't know,
you know. L...

It's all kind of blurred up
and hazy, but...

Would you know what I mean if I said
I don't think I'll ever figure it out?

But now I'm back.

That's it?

Well, I don't know what else to say.
Looks like a hell of a party.

You think so?

You look beautiful.

When you disappeared
around the corner,

I wasn't sure if I was
ever gonna see you again.

Hey, are you all right?

- The coffee shop.
- Yep.

I asked you if I said something wrong and
you said no, it was so right it scared you.

And then you said...

Forgive me for saying this,
but it's been with me ever since.

What has?

You said you liked me.

- No.
- You didn't?

I said... I liked you so much.

and the credits roll to the tune: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2008-08-06T18:20:00.000-07:00

2008-07-24T07:20:00.001-07:00

2008-07-24T07:10:00.001-07:00

wonder
Originally uploaded by mel's place

Is it any wonder that my heart is on the line
Is it any wonder that my words are out of time
Is it any wonder that I miss you like your mine

Oh sweet heart you've broken this sweet heart
Oh sweet heart you've broken me.

You set my world on fire
I'm turning inside out to be with you
So I'll be waiting here
And our love can live forever
Coz In your eyes I've seen who I could be
So I'll be waiting here

Is it any wonder that you stole this heart of mine
Is it any wonder that our worlds are now entwined
Often I have wondered if I need a redesign
~Delirious?

2008-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

I wrote this awhile back, for a friend...

How blessed we are
to have such a friend
The Lord knew best
when He did send
To share of her talents
and gifts of love
Will please the Heavenly
Father above

How blessed we are
to have such a friend
Whose lovingkindness
endures to the end
She reaches out with
a loving heart
Sister to sister
God's love will impart

How blessed we are
to have such a friend
With patient guidance
Her Father's children she does tend
To all who draw near
there will be no greater pleasure
Than a friend that loves like Jesus
Oh, what a treasure!

2008-07-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

when Isaac wants me to hold or carry him, he'll say, "I heavy"
:)

"change my heart, O Lord..."

2008-07-14T10:28:00.001-07:00

"change my heart, O Lord..."
Originally uploaded by mel's place

Change my heart, O Lord. Give me contentment and help me to sacrifice it all for You, and You alone. Cleanse me and heal me.

"The Moon"

2008-07-07T20:06:00.001-07:00

"The Moon"
Originally uploaded by mel's place

When Stevie was a toddler, she pointed up to the night sky and said, "look, Mommy, the moon!". On that particular night, the moon was a crescent and I replied, "Yes, it's a crescent moon". Stevie responded, "crescent moon, Mommy", and from then on, she knew the difference between a full moon and a crescent.
When Makenzie was a toddler, she pointed up to the night sky and said, "look, Mommy, the moon!" Once again, it was a night with a crescent moon and so I said, "Yes, it's a crescent moon". Makenzie's response was quite different, "NO! Mommy, it's the moon!"

Amazing how children can be so different...

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." ~Proverbs 22:6

We should take the time to learn our children's God-given bents and guide them accordingly...

2008-06-15T11:58:00.002-07:00

2008-06-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

overheard while Zoe and Isaac were "playing": Zoe: "Go back in mommy's stomach, Isaac!"

2008-06-03T15:02:00.001-07:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men

You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

This was right on!

2008-06-02T07:24:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by meldenham

...my broken heart

2008-05-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

C. S. Lewis said:
"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done', and those to whom God say, 'All right, then, have it your way'.

Have you ever wanted something so bad and prayed so hard to have God make it happen? I have.

He knows our hearts and He wants to give us our desires...but He wants us to live in His will. If we choose to live in our will, He may allow us to have what we have asked for, but there are always consequences.

...sometimes that consequence is a broken heart...

2008-05-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'm crying like a little baby and whining and pouting and blaming and every other imaginable "ing" you can think of that is negative.
My youngest woke up at 7 am (our usual time is 8:30 or 9) and wouldn't go back to sleep.
My older two girls have been fussing and fighting all day.
My youngest daughter wouldn't finish her lunch, made a mess, and wouldn't stop crying.
My camera needs to be sent in for repair. (anyone that knows me, knows what a blow this is)
The kitchen light burned out while I'm trying to talk on the phone as the macaroni & cheese is burning on the stove and the baby is crying in the background because he's tired and hungry.

I'm wallowing in self-pity and despair. Woe is me.

My brother, who is in (almost) the worst imaginable place calls me. He can tell there's something wrong and immediately tells me that he wishes he could be there to share in my blessings...YES! BLESSINGS!

woah! like a slap across the face...a much needed one at that!

He reminds me what James 1:2-4 says:
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

He also reminds me that there are mothers out there that abandon their children when things get tough (he could hear all the chaos in the background and my frustration spilling over into my tone of voice).

He reminds me of the wives that seek after other men for fulfillment, and of the women that seek after worldly things to help ease their pain.

He gently suggests the answer to my heartache...PRAYER!

My brother, who is in (almost) the worst imaginable place never ceases to amaze me in his faith.

...and so I fall to my knees and thank the Lord, not only for all the BLESSINGS He's given me, but for my brother and the wisdom He has come to possess.

100 Things

2008-04-12T15:26:00.001-07:00

100 Things
Originally uploaded by meldenham

1 I'm one of those people that look better in print than face-to-face...I may come across as shy or stuck-up, but the truth is, I'm extremely introverted and I just never know what to say in person.

2 When I get depressed, I eat. When my heart gets broken, I don't eat. I think my heart has never fully repaired from being broken in the past...at least that's what the scales say.

3 I want to be a writer...

4 ...or a pro photographer (not for portraits though)

5 Some songs literally move me; physcially, emotionally, &/or spiritually.

6 I love scary movies (not gory ones)

7 I yell too much--but once I get things off my chest, I'm done.

8 My paternal great grandfather was Greek. He was born, raised, and buried in Crete, Greece.

9 I have two younger brothers.

10 My mother abandoned me and my brothers on three separate occasions; once when I was 4, once at age 7, and finally, when I was 12.

11 I ran away to live with my maternal grandmother when I was 14.

12 I hate needles. I always end up bruised when I have to give blood and I usually get stuck more than once.

13 I love to be alone, but I hate it when my kids aren't home at night.

14 I sleep on the couch--I have carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand/wrist and I have to sleep elevated in order to keep my hand from going numb and staying that way while I sleep.

15 My hair started to turn gray at the age of 18. I started dying it after I had Stevie (at age 29) and got called ma'am for the first time.

16 There's nothing more rewarding, to me, than my children saying, "I love you, Mommy".

17 I often feel like I'm waiting for something and I hate that because it takes the joy out of life now.

18 I love Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch, shrimp, crab, lobster, potatoes (cooked any way), ro-tel dip & chips, and vanilla ice cream.

19 I love whole milk, diet Dr. Pepper, pink lemonade with margarita salt on the rim of my glass, tequila, margaritas, and Corona with lime.

20 and coffee

21 I think holding hands is much more meaningful than any other form of PDA.

22 I was sexually molested as a child.

23 I am extremely intuitive, except with first impressions (I usually get them wrong).

24 Every time I see the ocean, it's like the first time.

25 I truly believe that it is better to give than to receive. The only exception is when my husband makes no effort to give me a gift (that probably makes me shallow, huh?)

26 I believe that actions speak louder than words.

27 The little things DO mean so much.

28 I think the saying: Love means never having to say you're sorry, is a total lie.

29 Easter is my favorite holiday.

30 Fall is my favorite season.

31 I can eat a lemon like most people eat an orange.

32 I have an extra set of ribs.

33 I miss my maternal grandmother tremendously; I especially wish she could have seen my children.

34 I've had eight pregnancies; four babies & four miscarriages. Seven of those were in the last eight years. Three of the babies were delivered via C-section. One of the miscarriages was after three months gestation, so I had to have a D & C. To top it off, I'm over 40...there's got to be something clever to be said about bouncing back and gravity, but I'm just too tired to think of it.

35 My astrological sign is Gemini. While I don't believe that the stars will predict what my day, week, month, or year will be like, I do think the description of 'Gemini' pretty much matches my personality.

36 Life is what you make it.

37 I believe the only unforgivable sin is the continued denial of God.

38 I don't think that humans, on earth, are capable of unconditional love.

39 I believe in love languages, perception, & body languages.

40 I HATE insincerity.

41 Movies I could watch over and over:
Breakfast Club, Cutting Edge, Working Girl, Ghost Story, The Saint, The Big Chill, Cloak & Dagger, Look Who's Talking, Adventures in Babysitting, Cocktail

42 My pet peeves include: spelling errors, food/eating/drinking noises, inane noises.

43 I actually don't mind doing laundry, dishes, & ironing; but I do not like to dust or vacuum.

44 I hate 4-way stops.

45 I love to sail.

46 I'm allergic to pollen.

47 I enjoy word games and puzzles.

48 I absolutely respect and admire Jill & Tammy--individually for very different reasons and both, specifically because they are who they claim to be.

49 My spiritual gift is discernment.

50 I need to work on being more merciful.

51 My favorite childhood Christmas gift was a big box of office supplies.

52 I'm a daydreamer.

53 I graduated from high school in 1983.

54 I came within 13 classes of getting a college degree (a BA in Business with an emphasis in Marketing).

55 I miss having a best friend.

56 Knowing that someone is lying and not being able to say or do anything about it makes me feel helpless and hopeless.

57 When I ride a horse, I feel both scared and exhilarated.

58 I tried to get my scuba certification, but could not pass the open-water dive. The test was conducted in an old mining pit in October (October in midwest USA is somewhat chilly). I could not see my hand in front of my face and after three failed attempts (at one point I hyperventilated under 30 feet of water), I finally admitted defeat.

59 All of my really close friends have had green eyes.

60 I love taking walks in the fall when the leaves crunch while I walk on the path.

61 I border on OCD when it comes to food safety.

62 I like to be busy.

63 I believe in the Bible--every Word.

64 I don't believe in fate or karma.

65 I think people that have cold hands REALLY do have a warm heart.

66 I don't accept compliments well.

67 I don't love money, but I do wish I didn't have to worry about it so much.

68 I believe in consequences.

69 I don't have much sympathy for those that knew better.

70 I'm not good at being subtle.

71 I don't handle confrontations well.

72 I don't like change.

73 I wish that I were more soft-spoken and kind-hearted.

74 I love road trips.

75 I love flying.

76 I would love to go on a real hot air balloon ride (once I went up in a tethered one).

77 I would love it if I could get an apology from the guy that I was supposed to marry; (my high school sweetheart; we were together for just over three years) he dumped me two weeks before our wedding date. (I'd also like to know the real reason why.)

78 I strive to get beyond the 'if onlys' and regrets of my past.

79 I like rainy days in the summer but not during the other seasons. I think it is because during the summer months, there's so much green (as opposed to all the gray).

80 I love to cook. I love to try new recipes. I have a weakness for recipe books. (Hey, I think I could have counted that as three things!)

81 I think it would be great to own a restaurant; a small cafe.

82 I don't do heights well.

83 I wish I felt comfortable with small talk.

84 I believe in miracles and the power of prayer.

85 If I could find time to read, I would read all the Dean Koontz books that I haven't read.

86 I remember my dad telling me how he still felt like he was 18, I understand what he was saying...now.

87 I'm a list maker (doh).

88 I have absolutely NO desire to go on a cruise.

89 I would love to go to Alaska, Greece, the east coast of the USA, & Australia.

90 I've been to Hawaii and would love to go back.

91 I've been to Jamaica twice and would go again.

92 I consider myself to be in the 'taxi years' with my children...does it ever end?

93 Blood is thicker than water (I know for a fact).

94 I only like to shop when I don't have anything in particular I want or need. Otherwise, it is too much like a chore.

95 My favorite television shows: Monk, Medium, Burn Notice, Psych

96 I like seagulls, frogs, & elephants.

97 I like the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, & Def Lepard.

98 I like Johnny Depp, Kiefer Sutherland, Val Kilmer, and Jodie Foster. I used to like Meg Ryan...
I guess I like Reese Witherspoon and Renee Zellweger.

99 I've been called closed-minded because I'm a Christian. I believe that it takes more of an open mind to believe than not.

drumroll please...

100 I like the color green : )
it reminds me of life.

2008-04-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

Seems I've been tagged by Jill...I hope I do this right...

The Rules -
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

Seven random facts about me:

1. I had knee surgery December 27, 2007, to reconstruct my ACL. It was the most painful injury I've ever sustained. The surgery was not too bad, but the first 36 hours after I was sick, sick, sick.

2. My paternal great grandfather was Greek. He was born, raised, and died in Crete, Greece.

3. My mother passed away January 9, 2006, at the age of 59.

4. I am currently in the process of composing a list of 100 things about me, so I am trying hard not to duplicate any items here.

5. I was born in Kansas City, Missouri.

6. I am not looking forward to an empty nest.

7. I'm starting to re-think this whole idea of "not duplicating" anything...

Angie

Rey

Cal

Becki

Kevin

Stevie

Val

2008-03-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

My brother, Eric, recently sent me his testimony...

God has been doing great things in my life and giving me multiple blessings. All these blessings were coming so fast in my life that it was becoming like a whirlwind, but I got used to the whirlwind and was expecting the whirlwind and when it didn't come like before & I began to get depressed and stuck in the world. But then I got the new Christian Ranchman Newspaper in the mail. I began to read it and lo and behold as I am reading the testimonies and other stories I see that my Testimony is in the paper!! This is the second time that it has been plublished in the paper, PRAISE GOD!! This is what I needed because I had been giving my testimony to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ here at CCA Leavenworth, but I had stopped giving it and I had been putting it off sending an update to my other fellow Christian Brothers and Sisters at Cowboys For Christ and seeing my testimony in print again was all that I needed to know what God wants me to do.

God told me a few months ago that "Go and tell people your testimony" then HE added "If you're not telling people your testimony then you are not giving God the glory for the blessings that HE is giving you in your life."

First of all my testimony is under E.B., KS. My name is Eric Burke and I am currently being detained at CCA Leavenworth KS, and my testimony before was (briefly) that I found God when I was incarcerated before but when I left prison I left God there too. Even though I was not committing new crimes and was not breaking the law, I was not living for God, I was not Praising God, I was [not] Thanking God, God was not in my life. I gave God no credit for anything in my life only myself. But then God allowed me to be brought here and HE allowed everthing to be taken from me in a very short amount of time for a very good reason, Praise God.

This is what God has done since giving my testimony to Cowboys for Christ; After receiving the Ranchman Newspaper the first time with my testimony in it I had my sister make copies of it and she passed around at her church and I passed it around here to all of our church groups. I attend almost every church service and study here and one of my favorites is the In HIS Service Ministries "Dads Support Group". This group helps us fathers become better Dads and Dads become Better Dads.

"Anybody can be a Father, but it takes more to be a Dad, there is a relationship as a Dad that is not there as a Father".

One of the biggest things that I haved learned from the Dads Support Group is that "we as Dads are responsible in Gods eyes as being the Spiritual Head of the home". We are responsible for our kids and our families knowing who God is. I think that one of the biggest lessons is that you don't have to be right there in the home its self to teach your kids and family who God is, it can be done in any and every circumstance through the power of God.

In November 2007 I had been praying for a better relationship with my father, this even included something as simple and basic as just talking with him on the phone. Basically when we did talk on the phone it hardly ever turned good. One of us usually got mad at the other etc... Give[n] the cirucumstances of my detention, everthing was hindered and was always stressed and strained. Frustration would lead to one of us hanging up on the other, etc...

I would talk with my sister about this and ask her to pray and have hur church pray and I would go and talk with my Dads Support Group and other Christian Brothers about what to do and we would pray. Funny thing about prayer God always answers, YES / NO / WAIT. Anyway my sister finally told me that she didn't know what to say or do anymore and told me that she was going to start praying for God to take my desire for a relationship with my father away. She stated that it sounds harsh but that is was God has laid on her heart to do. At first I did not like it but I did understand it. She said that this way God could work on our Dad and also me too.

Now while this is going on, sometime around November 1, 2007. I had been continually discussing this with the Dads Support Group etc...and they were understanding as well and In HIS Service Ministries was about to do a special dedication service on November 12, 2007. This was a service to dedicate our kids to God. I chose to dedicate my kids to God as everyone else did, and we had a service and each of us received a certificate for each of our kids.

I have to tell you a little bit of info on my kids. I have 3 kids, two boys and a girl. My oldest son is 18, daughter 16, youngest son 2.

On November 24, 2007 I was to have my first visit in 18 months, I had already sent her the dedication certificates in the mail, so she knew about me dedicating all three kids to God. Well when she [my sister, Melisse] got there and I sat down to talk to her and my niece, she asked me "guess who called me the other day?" I couldn't figure out who and just guessed "my ex-wife" and she said no and looked at her daughter, my niece and they both had tears in their eyes, I said ok who? And she said Jeffery (my son). This is significant because I haven't seen or heard from my son in 15 years, none of [us] has. We all cried right then and I immediately told her through tears. This was a complete and total shock to me I did not expect for it to have been my son!! Through reasons beyond our control, I and my family have not had any contact with him.

I told her through tears that this is from God, only HE could have done this! I told her to remember the dedication that I had just sent her in the mail and she remembered it. I said see its from God, its from God!!!! We talked about everthing that they had talked about on the phone and my sister said that just in talking with him that "the apple doesn't fall to[o] far from the tree". She said this because in just talking with him she could tell that he is just like me in alot of ways.

On November 22, 2007 my son had called my Dad, his grandfather looking for me. They spent several hours on the phone talking with each other. Praise God!!! Any my Dad even said that you could really tell that he is my son!!!

On the 24th after my visit, I returned to my pod and proceeded to tell everyone about Gods Blessing!!! As well as when I returned to the Dads Support Group!!! What a testimony!! To be able to give that!!

It would not be until the 27th that I finally got to talk with my son on the phone for the first time ever!!! Praise God. We talked for the full 30min that we are allowed to talk. And I found out what my sister and Dad had talked about when they said that they could tell that he was my son.

"I felt then that God was speaking to me in that you can tell who is who's father who is who's son by the way they talk and act" We are told in scripture that we are to be Christ Like. So we all will be able to give a witnessing testimony just by walking in Christ and speaking like Christ and people know who our father (Dad) is!!!

Also during the phone call on the 27th we both discovered that we have a mutual love of horses. Praise God!!! Even though we haven't been around each other for 15 yrs God makes us the same in alot of way!! He has an Arabian and I have Quarter Horses, which I joke with him that we will get him a real horse!!! Ha! Ha!

I experienced a little bit of the JOY that God has that day on the phone with my son, in just talking with him was joy but not the joy that I am talking about. What I am talking about came at the end of our phone call when I told him that I never forgot wbout him and always thought about him and tried [to] get [in] contact with him but was prevented from doing so. I also told him about a brick that I had bought for him and his sister. This he didn't quite understand at first but I explained it to him that I bought some bricks that were having names written in them and placed at the foot and footpath of a staure in a park. [Herman Laird Park] Now this I had done several years ago and these bricks had been there for quite some time. At the time I had no idea what that would or could mean in the future. But the things that we do now will have great impact in the future in ways that we can't imagine. Back to the joy that I was talking about at the end of our first phone call I told him that I have never forgotten you and that I have thought about you every day and that I have always LOVED YOU!! When I said that to my son for the first time I was crying and my son told me that he LOVED ME TOO!! !!!! That is the JOY that I am talking about!!!! When a son or a daughter tells you that they love you!!! I now know the JOY that our FATHER in heaven feels when we call upon him and tell HIM that we LOVE HIM!!!! Thank you god for that JOY!!!

Now his sister has always known about him, but he never kenw about his sister or new brother either but during this phone call I gave him his sisters phone #'s and other people that he would want to talk with soon etc. I could tell that he was very excited about having a sister and a brother, he promised me that he would give her a call. Now the way the phones are I couldn't call his sister to let her know that he was going to call her but I thought that it would be a good surprise for her to get a phone call from her brother.

Well she was screening her calls that day and this is what she heard "Um this is Jeffery, I am your brother, I know that you don't know me but I would like for you to give ma a call" Then he left his #. My Daughter said that she just sat there shaking and had tears and when she finally calmed down she gave him a call. Praise God!!!!!! They act like they have never been apart!

"Priceless Gifts are truly from God!!!!"

Barely into December 2007, I finally got to meet my son!!! My sister and my niece and my daughter and brother-in-law all came up here on a visit!! Praise God for his glorious gifts!!!!!! I had tears that day let me tell ya!!! My Daughter and Son both sitting right there in front of me!!! Together for the frist time ever!!! We all will get to experience that for oursleves one day with God when we are all together with HIM for the First time!!!

Now that very afternoon when they all left here they went to see our Dad their Grandpa and my son asked about the brick and my Dad took them all up to the park and they all looked for their bricks. They all had to move the snow off the bricks in order to read the names. All the while pictures are being taken and the look on my sons face was one of deep thought! You could see the turmoil and conflict in his face but the JOY that I saw in the pictures is the fact that he now had proof written in stone!!!

"I am reminded of a couple of things from the Bible on this and I am sure that there are many scriptures that go along with this, but what I am reminded of is when God gives us physical evidence of HIS Love for us and proof that we are not forgotten by GOD!!!" I also saw the wonder in my sons eyes in the picture that told me that "my dad never forgot me"!! I just wonder when we see our names in the BOOK of LIFE if we will have the same look of wonder and JOY?!!

My son must have stood at the brick with his name on it for 20 minutes or so just staring at his brick. I don't know if he had tears or not over his brick and all that it means to him but I did from just looking at the pictures!

"Our actions & thoughts and behaviors that we have today will be used by GOD in the future in some way for HIS GLORY!! We know not how, but thank GOD that HE is using us!!"

Here I am at my weakest that I have ever been in my life, I have lost all that I thought was important, all the worldly things etc...and am now divorced an am alone in that aspect but GOD is an awesome GOD and has given me all that is truly important in life!!! 1st and most important, a relationship with HIM!!! Second a relationship with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus!!! Third a relatiiship with my SON and a relationship with my own father here on earth!!!

You might think that is all, but its not, praise GOD! My son got to spend Christmas with his family for the very first time ever!!! The whole family was together like never before for Christmas and they did a birthday cake for Jesus but it didn't have HIS name on the cake and my son said "there is always room for Jesus!" and he wrote with a toothpick the name of our Lord on the cake!!!

Now I had no idea what to get my son and daughter for Christmas this year, but GOD had laid it on my heart that we, parents are responsible for our kids spiritual well being and whether or not they have the opportunity to know GOD, JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT. So I had my sister order the same Bible that I have (Cowboys for Christ Bible) and the Cowboys for Christ Belt Buckle. My Daughter I got a Devotional Bible and that is meant for teen girls. I would have gotten her a Cowboys for Christ Bible too but I wanted them to each have a special Bible to themselves. I wish that there was a Cowgirls Bible cause I would hve gotten that one for her. Now I had written a letter to my son to open on Christmas along with his presents so he already knew the story of the Cowboys for Christ Bible. You see my Uncle had gotten me and another fellow Christian brother a Cowboys for Christ Bible in early 2007 and which everybody that has read from it wants one. But you see my uncle is no longer with us, he is with our Lord now so this Bible really means alot to me and it has created a bond with my Christian brother, which is everyones Christian brother also. So I let my son know all this in the letter and my sister was about to tell everyone the story about the Bible and my son jumped in and stated "this is the same Bible that my DAD has!!" Wow!! When I heard that I had tears of JOY again!!!

"You know that we all have the same Bible that our Father has, Priase GOD!!" I am sure that GOD has the same feeling when we acknowledge the same to HIM!

I want to thank those people at Cowboys for Christ, for getting the Bible and buckle to my sister so fast in the mail, I know with all the mail that is sent at Christmas time that God had to have His hand on this gift from the beginning.

I remember a time when I was riding my horse in the Mark Twin National forest and I lost my way back to camp. I don't know if that has ever happened to anyone else before but it happened to me. I got frustrated but I stopped and remembered that "Sage" my horse hadn't forgotten where camp was or what direction that we needed to go in to get back to camp, so I have him the reign and asked him to take us home and he did!!

The same goes for us with our relationship with God. If we give God control over everything, give HIM the reigns, HE will lead us HOME safe and sound!!!

One last thing until my next update on my testimony. Not only did my sister get a picture of our dad reading my sons Bible that day but now he is asking about Cowboys for Christ as well!!!! Praise God!!!!!!

This all started with me praying for and wanting a better relationship with my father and God not only gave me that, but he did it through my son!!! God knows the best way to accomplsih what it is that we are asking for! Yes I wanted a better father son relationsip and I got it too. My way would have been just me and my dad. I much prefer Gods way, me, my dad, my son, my daughter, my sister!!!! Gods way has broght a healing to our family in a way that one could only come from GOD and two could have only been done through the reuniting with my son!!!!!!

Just like with the prodical son returning to the father, great healing and learning is gained by the whole family and those that surround the family!

Remember to give your testimony to others that is what God wants you to do!!! If you're not giving your testimony then you are not giving God the Glory!!!! Testimonies help others they help others to know that God will help if you let Him!

I want to thank you all at Cowboys for Christ for everything that you all do! You all are a Blessing and I give thanks always for everything that I have received from you all, please keep up the wonderful work that you all are doing for our LORD, I hope to one day soon be there to help in the way that the Lord wants me to! AMEN

Respectifully,
signed
Eric Burke #11465031

P.S. You can use my name if you decide to print this additon to my testimony. Sorry that it is so long, but it was on my heart to fill you in completely. I also would like to ask for prayer if possible, for God to return me to my family and to let me be a godly parent to my kids. Thank You.

2008-01-24T17:11:00.000-08:00

OH NO! I found another photo sharing source to keep me addicted to photography!
Here's a sample of my stuff:

Funny Story Time

2008-01-01T14:43:00.001-08:00

Stevie Day 1 of 365
Originally uploaded by meldenham

at lunch today I shared with Doug that Stevie didn't much care for the sign I made for this shot. She claims that it says "boys" too many times. Before I could complete my sentence she interrupts and says, "oh mom, have you ever seen *BLEEP's* eyes? He has the LONGEST eyelashes and his eyes, they're as big as Zoe's" and before she could draw the next breath, "I don't think about boys all the time!" So then I asked her, "what do his hands look like?" Her response, "HUH?"

365 Days of Zoe

2007-12-30T07:53:00.001-08:00

365 Days of Zoe
Originally uploaded by meldenham

I took a picture of Zoe every day, for a year. Wow! Look how my babe has grown and changed!

anyone can be a father....

2007-11-14T19:11:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by meldenham

anyone can be a father...

2007-11-11T14:36:00.001-08:00

anyone can be a father...
Originally uploaded by meldenham

This is the latest letter from my brother, Eric:

“Dear Sis,

Well, my attorney quit. I sent him a letter last week telling him that he needs to write me and keep me informed about everything in my case etc… And that I don’t have money to hire my own lawyer but if I did I would. I asked him to find out about the lost evidence etc… I had many (have many) questions about the lost evidence. He says that he has known about it since three weeks before Oct 15 but it may be that the evidence was last two months after I was here or the evidence didn’t exist because that was the same time that there was a court order for my release. Anyway I am not upset by the lawyer quitting I am upset because I told Dad last night and he yelled and screamed at me telling me to quit screwing around and that I should get behind my lawyer etc… I don’t get him at all. A lawyer is suppose to fight for his client mine wasn’t doing that he was lying to me, not doing what I asked him to do, not answering my questions, keeping vital information from me and implying that its my fault that things are taking so long. I have not asked for any continuances or anything like that!! I have asked for answers and proof to these questions and answers. But after Dad yelled and screamed at me he hung up on me stating that he’s not going to talk to me about it at all. Here I am, I’ve lost all my worldly things, so what that stuff can be replaced, I’ve lost my family (immediate) now it feels that I have lost my dad too! He acts as though I have asked or demanded the money for a lawyer from him or something. I know he doesn’t have it and if he did there is no way he would turn loose of it for me! He’s too greedy for that. I thought Dad supported me in fighting for my freedom, but him reacting that way, that shows no support!!

Sis I love ya

Your brother X2

Love always,

Eric

I’m sharing this because I think it speaks volumes about what John warns us against in 2 John 7-11

In my opinion, no matter how mature one is as a Christian, having been rejected by your earthly father can cause doubt, fear, and self-loathing. This is an instance in which we should shut the door to the untruths and only accept what Christ has to say about us. It doesn’t matter that my dad is misled or lost or why is misled or lost, only that he is. For me or my brother to listen and believe what he says is allowing deceit in. Until we can rely solely on Jesus for our assurance, we should avoid or “not receive him into our house, and not give him a greeting”. Yes, my dad needs to hear the gospel. Yes, we should respect and honor our dad (even though he is not worthy of it). But, unless and until we can do this like Christ, then we should avoid this kind of communication. This is a very hard thing to do, because we instinctually seek approval and assurance from our parents.

I want to add that I believe that it is vitally important for us, as Christians, to juxtapose ourselves with one another and be committed to each other. Some of us want nothing more than to be loved and accepted. And although we (mature Christians) know that Christ will provide that and more, it is SO important to the new believer that has NEVER experienced that, to have something tangible to cling to. Like a baby just learning to walk, having that hand to reach out for means so much.

...the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month...

2007-11-10T22:24:00.001-08:00

...the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month...
Originally uploaded by meldenham

while I don't want to take away the solemnity and reverence this image brings, I would like to add a bit of brevity....

while driving through the cemetery, Stevie asked, "are all of these people dead?"

after a chuckle, I explained...but I do understand what she was trying to ask: are the stones markers for all servicemen or ones that have passed on?

2007-11-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

I'm always trying to get Stevie to play "Name that song/artist" with me while driving around town listening to music.
She won't though :(
One day, 'Take It Easy' came on and I, once again, tried to get her to play along.
I asked: "Name this artist."
From the back, Makenzie announces: "the B E A G L E S"

:)

2007-10-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

According to Zoe: fruit snacks = noot nack
fruit roll-ups = flute woal-up (the 'l' in flute is rolled!)

2007-10-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone want some Amish Friendship bread? I've got EIGHT loaves baked and SIXTEEN starters, if you're interested!

man, I'm never letting that happen again

:P

2007-10-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard this song by PINK (yes, PINK!), I fell in love with it. I didn't lose a boyfriend to drugs(well actually I did, but I did know and I got Stevie out of the experience), but I did get "left at the altar" by my boyfriend of three years.
Just now I was playing this video and singing and dancing while fixing lunch and Stevie hollered at me from the living room to "turn it down" because she was trying to practice playing Sonatina in C Major on the piano.

: P

Welcome Autumn : )

2007-10-19T20:41:00.001-07:00

playing around with ps
Originally uploaded by meldenham

Happy Pumpkin Hunting Days

2007-10-09T22:31:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by meldenham

2007-10-08T21:37:00.001-07:00

Makenzie came running in the house, "Hurry Mom, get your camera, there's something in the sky. I think it's a falling star or something"
Originally uploaded by meldenham

2007-10-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

Being the child of an alcoholic parent, at least for me, has instilled in me the desire to be accepted. There is always a feeling of being different, somehow, even if that knowledge didn't come from experience. I was the oldest child and, because of my mother's inadequacies, often put in a position to meet the needs of my younger siblings. More often than not, I lived in total chaos, never knowing what to expect. All of this also added to my longing for control.

The biggest thing that I struggle with as a Christian is feeling accepted. It seems that I somehow just never seem to fit in with my peers. It is as if every time I befriend someone, there is some circumstance that takes them away from me. Either physically or emotionally. I don't trust easily, but when I do, it is whole-heartedly. Unfortunately however, I feel as if every time I've given myself over completely in a friendship, that bond is severed when an event arises that separates us, either through a physical change or a disagreement; resulting in anger, hurt, and disappointment. I may allow a single stitch, or even two, of repair to take place, but I never fully give out the trust again.

My husband once told me that I look for reasons to blame myself for the adversity in my relationships with others; that somehow, I believe that it is all my fault when things go wrong. There is much truth to that statement. I remember as a child thinking, 'if only I was good enough, then my mom wouldn't get drunk or my dad wouldn't yell'.

After sharing my life and testimony with several people from church, someone told me that I, although my past was sad, used it as a reason to be angry as an adult. There is much truth to that statment. I think, all the time, that as Christians, my friends should accept me the way I am (like Christ accepts me). This bothers me more and more because I keep hearing that our testimony is something that no one can take away from us and that we should share it. Since that occurrence, I've packed it away and feel loathe to share it further.

My brothers are both in bondage now. One figuratively and the other, literally. Praise the Lord! my youngest brother (the incarcerated one) has found Christ and accepted Him as his Saviour! My other brother lives an alternative lifestyle. Recently he was here for a family death and while he was here, I asked him to go to church for me. He did come but he didn't stay long...
My family and I have also asked him to move back to the area; he lives in Colorado now. He said he'd think about it and when the time is right for him, he would. He called me the other day and before he hung up, he said, "I don't really want to get into this now, but I am still considering moving back." I just listened. He then went on, "It is just that I'm struggling with feeling loved or feeling accepted. If I stay here, then I'm accepted and not loved; if I come back, then I'll feel loved but won't be accepted."

I keep going back to that conversation in my mind. I remained quiet throughout and didn't offer the most obvious (at least to me), "don't those two go hand-in-hand?" But really do they? They should. Unfortunately, until we all get to heaven, it is probably more untrue than true.

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household, Ephesians 2:19

So now here I am, sitting here, almost rambling on...my thoughts whirling and twirling about.

This morning at church, I commented on something and then felt like I had to defend it later. I didn't say anything bad, I just felt like I was misunderstood. This is the case most Sundays for me and it seems like it has been going on for a very long time now. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and like, at any moment, I'm going to explode from having to keep all of me inside. And the more I try to explain or defend myself, the bigger the pit of loneliness becomes. I told my husband while we were driving home that maybe God is just keeping me there (feeling unaccepted and for the most part, friendless) because He wants me to rely solely on Him. He knows my heart, He knows that if I start to feel accepted, then I will whole-heartedly delve into that relationship and drift away from Him. My husband said that maybe there are just too many people that don't follow Christ's example and accept me like He does.

And then I remember what my brother said about acceptance and love. And I keep thinking about it. And praying about it.

and His Word comes to me; the passage that first brought me back to Him after turning my back on Him 20 (plus) years ago:

...we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I believed, therefore I spoke", we also believe, therefore also we speak; knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:8-18

and I think about my brother's struggle and how closely it is related to mine and I remember:

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
...But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

and finally, as our pastor spoke from the pulpit this morning, teaching us that
~ His grace is SUFFICIENT for me. ~

2007-09-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

Owning her faith and standing up for what she believes in...I'm so proud!

Stevie participated in the life-chain today; a silent protest FOR life.
Despite taunting, being "flipped off", and a down pour, she endured and smiled throughout!

did I mention...I'm so proud!

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

2007-09-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

In my previous entry, I asked how you would choose to complete the task: put a list of words in alphabetical order and then define every other word. Would you begin your definitions with the first or second word from the list?
I would start with the first word and those of you that responded to my query, chose the first word as well.
Stevie had this assignment in Language Arts this week and she put the words in correct alphabetical order and then proceeded to define every other word, starting with the second word.
I really couldn't find a reason for that to be wrong and I didn't even bring it to her attention. I just thought it was interesting.
She is left-handed, and in raising and educating her, I've found so many differences like this...sometimes I think it is because she's left-handed and sometimes I think it is just a 'Stevie-ism'...
Hmmm, what do you all think about that?

2007-09-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

If you were asked to put a list of words in alphabetical order and then define every other word, would you start the definition on the first or second word?

2007-09-24T20:50:00.001-07:00

2007-09-19T22:15:00.001-07:00

My pirate name is:
Dirty Bess Rackham

I'm the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of me, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. I have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

want to find out yours?
go to:
www.piratequiz.com

the dentist referred us to an orthodontist...

2007-09-19T11:57:00.001-07:00

the dentist referred us to an orthodontist...
Originally uploaded by meldenham

...orthodontics aren't covered under our health/dental plan
: (
we'll see Friday what kind of damage ($$) is in store for us...

2007-09-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

On the way to her dance class this evening, Makenzie excitedly announced to me that she couldn't believe she was seven years old now. She said, "I still feel like I'm six!" Smiling, I responded, "well, my dear, it is all downhill from here." She gave me a very anxious look and then bent over to her shins and asked, "down to here?"

2007-09-06T16:21:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by meldenham

...overheard conversation between Stevie & Makenzie...
fighting over who gets the chips, Makenzie quips, "I want some of those chips made from weed."
...and it's not what you're thinking...
she's looking at the picture on front of the bag
: P

2007-09-04T22:49:00.001-07:00

2007-09-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

Last night, while taking a bath, I told Makenzie that she should wash her hair. I told her that her hair looked dull and lifeless, to which she asked, "what does lifeless mean?" I took this as an opportunity to further her understanding of root words and how one can use the root word to help determine the meaning of a word and also how to apply that meaning in context of the conversation taking place. After spending quite some time making sure that she was clear on the term, "lifeless" as it applied to the description of her hair, I was satisfied that she understood.
While combing her hair, after her bath, she asked me, "Does my hair look lifeless now?" I told her that it was wet, but when it dried, it would look nice. She then responded, "Well, I was just checking, because sometimes its not dead, it just gets tired."

2007-09-04T12:41:00.001-07:00

Thanks Jill, this was fun!

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

2007-08-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

Stevie is my straight A student. She loves to read and excels in all her studies. There are times, though, that I wonder about her...seems what she gains in book smarts, she sometimes lacks in common sense. She often says things that prove to be absolutely hilarious. She used to get pretty upset whenever I'd share a story with someone or remind her, but over time, she has come to appreciate the humor in those moments.
The latest moment is the one I'm going to share...
After our vacation, I uploaded many of our vacation pictures on flickr. I have so many wonderful contacts that share in our daily lives through these photos and after all the shots were uploaded I thought it would be fun to play some guessing games in regard to our vacation. One of the questions was "How many miles did we travel?" I must insert a break here and explain that we started out our vacation with a little car trouble. The first stop was a convenience store for gas and when we went to leave, the car would not start. So, one of my contacts guessed 1 1/2 miles, based on that. I decided that when I revealed the "real" answer, that I would also include that little jaunt. When I was driving to get that figure, I explained all of this to Stevie. Her response was, "well, it could be more or less depending on how fast you drive".

It's OK to laugh...we did! : )

2007-08-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, Makenzie was supposed to be drawing a bath for herself. She came running into my bedroom informing me that we were all out of warm water. I said that couldn't be possible, because no one had bathed yet. She responded, "all we have is hot!"
:P

all the colors in the world!

2007-07-28T21:13:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by meldenham

2007-07-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

This morning Zoe announced that she wanted to learn her ABCB's!
Then she started singing: A..B..C..B..7..8..9!
: )

2007-06-08T21:22:00.001-07:00

Yeah Baby!

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Play it Again!

2007-05-02T14:15:00.001-07:00

Zoe Day 125 of 365
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Makenzie got this (annoying) toy when she was a baby. It plays several (annoying) songs and at the end of each song, an (annoying) cookie-monster-ish voice says, "Play it again" and of course, whichever child has it (annoyingly) does! We put it on top of the refrigerator before Makenzie had it for any length of time and then it ended up in storage for about 3 years and it has spent the last 2 years buried under a bunch of other toys in the basement. I ran across it this week while cleaning out things for the garage sale. It was in the .10 box until one of my munchkins found it. Last night, Isaac was playing with it when my husband came home. He was amazed (and annoyed) that it still worked after all this time!
Stevie was practicing her flute in between customers this morning and left her music in the school room. I walked in and found Zoe "playing" one of the (annoying) songs at the music stand.
I wonder what kind of batteries are in that (annoying) toy? Whatever they are, they sure have some staying power!!

Guess who broke her nose...

2007-04-18T23:10:00.001-07:00

Guess who broke her nose...
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Being a parent has a multitude of blessings...but, by far, the hardest part has to be when your child is hurt or sick.
Makenzie broke her nose tonight. It was a clean break, and Lord willing, will require no medical intervention.
She's sleeping calmly now...thank goodness for Motrin.

"Look Mom, I'm dressed up like the 80's"

2007-04-14T13:43:00.001-07:00

"Look Mom, I'm dressed up like the 80's"
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

She actually said this to me! I either need to give her a recent history lesson or start using Oil of Olay wrinkle reducer!

2007-04-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning, I called to my husband, Doug. I was being silly and pretending that he was "in trouble", so I used his formal name, "Douglas". Makenzie overheard and she came up to me and said, "I didn't know that Dad's middle name was Lus."
OMGoodness, I laughed all day!

2007-03-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

New Makenzie Quip:
We went to lunch Friday at Long John Silvers. I shared a couple bites of my cole slaw with the little girls. Makenzie especially enjoyed it and asked to have another bite of "cold salad". : )

Makenzie shares her heart

2007-01-29T15:33:00.000-08:00

Makenzie shares her heart
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

2007-01-29T13:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Makenzie went to work with me. I work in a small business during off-hours, either cutting cardstock or cleaning. Yesterday's job was a cutting job, so it was more fun. On the way to the shop, I noticed that Makenzie was not wearing socks, only crocs on her feet. It was 24 degrees out. Thankfully, she had a coat and a hat but I proceeded to explain to her the importance of dressing properly when going out--anything could happen, including the car breaking down. Her feet would get really cold if we had to walk. I then described frostbite to her, to put the fear in her, so to speak.
About half-way through my job, I decided we needed a milk shake to get us through. Makenzie was being such a good helper and it was the perfect time of day for a treat. We made a quick run over to McDonald's and grabbed a milk shake and brought it back to drink while we finished our job. On the way back to the store, Makenzie asked me if it were possible to get a freeze bite from a milk shake.
...it took me several minutes to put two and two together, orginally I thought she was meant brain freeze...but she was actually remembering my "lecture" from earlier in the afternoon.
Silly girl!

2007-01-22T17:26:00.000-08:00

2007-01-18T09:31:00.000-08:00

As you know, I've been lamenting of late...thinking that Jesus doesn't love me or that maybe my faith is too little. I have been struggling with this emotion of sadness over my brother's imprisonment. Always, when I think of him and his life, which has been spent in and out of prison for the entirety of his adult life, I think of my mom. I don't blame my mom, per se, but the sin that perpetuated in and through her life and in our lives. The absence of a role model, the hopelessness and futility that we learned from her life. I am saddened beyond description and feel like so much time has been a waste.

I can see the end, though, how God can (and Lord willing, will) work in my brother's life (and mine, no less) to His glory. I can see the bigger and better picture with ease. That should comfort me, and hopefully now, with realization, it will.

I was struggling with feeling like I was being held captive in my anger and sorrow.

I'm in a women's Bible study called Drawing Closer. I find myself doing the entire week's lesson on the day of the class, rushing because the kids' school work, Isaac and Zoe's needs, and housework always seem to take precedence. There is usually one theme I'm able to glean from each lesson and then during our class discussion and the "lecture" which follows my understanding of the chapter (John) is made clearer. For the last several weeks, it has been like the words you are trying so hard to think of are on the tip of your tongue. My clarity has been disabled because I've allowed the enemy to whisper to me..."Jesus doesn't love you" and "your faith is too little". But now, oh what joy...even in the sorrow...

John 11:35 says "Jesus wept."

My first interpretation was that He was sad, sad for Lazarus' death, sad for Martha and Mary, sad for the lost and the disobedient, sad for His own impending death. While this interpretation is true, it is not complete. He was sad AND angry. Sad and angry for the sin that perpetuated in and through the lives of all these lost souls and even the sin that dwelled among His own.

My heart's desire is to be like Jesus and learning that being sad and angry over the effect sin has had in my life and in the lives of those that I love is one step closer to Him.

Praise the Lord!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

2007-01-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

I dreamt of you all my life
and finally, when I knew you were coming,
I couldn't wait to hold you and behold you.
I prayed and hoped for someone just like you.
And now here you are
years later and I'm still in awe;
watching you grow and become so strong.
What a precious gift you are to me;
What a privilege it is to be called upon by you;
Each hug, each moment when you need me.
What a wonderful treasure you are!
It is my pleasure and honor
to be your mom

The Power of Prayer

2007-01-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

My creation
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

2006-12-31T21:49:00.000-08:00

Stevie has been preparing Makenzie for the traditional ringing in of the New Year: the dropping of the ball in Times Square. After mentioning this several times, Makenzie finally said, " dropping what ball? who's going to catch it?"

2006-12-31T14:54:00.000-08:00

Growing up, whenever I'd get to feeling sorry for myself or lamenting about some such thing, my grandmother would always say, "Count your blessings". I've been having a tough time, emotionally, of late. The one-year anniversary of my mother's passing is approaching and the thought that goes through my mind most often is how much her life affected my dad, me, my brothers, and our kids. Our lives, as children, were full of turmoil, insecurity, doubt, fear, longing and disappointment. I know as an adult, and especially as a Christian, I have the responsibility of rising above my past and the heartache. The "but" that follows is not about me, per se, but about those that I love; about their eternal futures. I don't know their hearts for sure, but I'm very uncertain that I will get to spend eternity with them. That saddens me beyond description. You would think that belonging to an evangelical church would be a source that could contend with that, but alas, that is not the case. In fact, this is exactly the reason for my state of mind of late. Instead of having a mentor that I can turn to and ask for guidance, my mentor is mad at me for something she thought I said. Instead of having a pastor that I can trust my children with, I have a pastor that chose to be inappropriate with my child, not once or twice, but three times. Instead of having a nursery I can rely on to watch my babies while I'm getting some much-needed spiritual food, I have a short-staffed nursery that has no director. I am lost and struggling with despair. I'm incredibly angry and bitter toward my brother's ex-wife and the part she's played in my brother's woes. I want to reach out and have some human contact and compassion. I know I have a Heavenly Father that will NEVER forsake me, I know that the church is just people, people that are just like me, not perfect. I know all these things. But...my father is lost and I don't know how to reach him. My brothers are incredibly lost and their physical lives are in jeopardy and I'm just so sad. Instead of being able to reach out to my church for help, I'm having to contend with petty issues and gossip. I'm frustrated and lonely.
Just writing this, I'm going to be facing the flak of someone thinking that this is about them and then they'll get mad at me. I have SO many people mad at me because I have voiced MY concerns, opinions, and beliefs that I feel like I'm looked upon as the plague!
Now, I can hear my grandmother's voice: "Count your blessings"
1. My salvation
2. My husband
3. Stevie
4. Makenzie
5. Zoe
6. Isaac
7. My home
8. My health
9. My material possessions
10. My freedom
11. My family
12. My friends
13. The beauty in this world
14. The memory of my grandmother
15. My abilities
16. My talents
17. My gifts
18. The Bible
19. Technology
20. Medicine
21. The kindness of strangers
22. Free will
23. Music
24. Art
25. Literature
26. The countless generosities that have been shown to me.
27. My zeal
28. My education
29. Hope
30. Faith
31. Courage
32. Endurance
33. Determination
34. The opportunity to home school my children
35. The Holy Spirit
36. Intercessory prayer
37. My morality
38. Lessons learned from past mistakes
39. The chance to teach those lessons to my kids
40. My dreams
41. Coffee
42. My sense of humor
43. The ability to forgive
44. The forgiveness I've received
45. Fond childhood memories
46. My hobbies
47. My senses
48. My sanity
49. The self-control I do possess
50. The ability to learn
51. The love of very good friends

I hope you've made it through this list. I know it would be easier to just remember all the bad stuff that I mentioned in the beginning, but it would be so much more meaningful to remember the list I compiled. Maybe to offer suggestions for additions...or maybe you can create your own list. Whatever your choice, I'm grateful that you took the time to read what I wrote--to listen to me, so to speak. I know I'll get through this funk, because I do have all those items listed above to remind me of what is important and enduring.

Zoe Day 4 of 365

2006-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

Zoe Day 4 of 365
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

I finally got the tear shot! (of course it took getting a new camera!!)

...you know you're getting old(er) when...

2006-12-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

Message In a Bottle by The Police is on Musak!

...you know you're getting old(er) when...
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

2006-12-27T19:25:00.000-08:00

Stevie's Joke:
You know how "they" say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from constipation?
Does that mean the 5th person enjoys it?

NO WAY!!! Can you believe it? OMGoodness!!!

2006-12-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

NO WAY!!! Can you believe it? OMGoodness!!!
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

WOO HOO!!!
I'm doing the "I got a new-way-too-cool-camera dance"!!!

Santa Baby

2006-12-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

Santa Baby
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Here's wishing everyone a very Merry CHRISTmas!

2006-12-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

According to Makenzie:
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only forgotten Son, that whoever shall believe in Him shall not die but have eternal life."

2006-12-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=d82817e58f6b8a4dc1d6698G06121716

Check it out!!!

2006-12-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

PEACE ~ It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
---from Marilyn Scott-Waters The Toymaker Newsletter

2006-12-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

My maternal grandmother was very dear to me. She took me in every time my mom left us and I tell everyone that she raised me. She passed away when she was only 57. I was still very young then and I missed her more than words could ever express.

I did have a relationship with my mom after I was grown. Sometimes that relationship was a good one and sometimes the relationship was strained. My mom was an alcoholic and I believe that the love or need or desire to maintain her lifestyle proved to keep her separated from what most would call a normal life. I loved my mom despite her addiction and was able to maintain a threadbare tie with her until her passing earlier this year.

My grandmother had lupus and basically that disease just ravaged her body; killing her from the inside out. She had a stroke and fought for a couple of days to regain consciousness. During that time, I worked all day and spent every night at the hospital just in case she did wake up. It was beyond hard. Even though I was young, it was exhausting, and the emotional toll was all but unbearable. She did not awaken. I do believe, though, that I will see her again; that her eternity will be in heaven. So now, as a mature Christian, the pain of her passing has been replaced with peace.

On my mother's birthday, the summer after my grandmother died, I went to visit my mom; to take her a gift and to spend the afternoon with her. When I got to her home, she was so drunk, she could barely walk. My mom was a crying drunk and this particular time was no exception. We ended up fighting and I told her that I would never sit by her hospital bed and watch her die because she was the one that was killing herself. I left angry but I didn't drive home, instead, I went to the cemetery where my grandmother was buried. I sat at the headstone and cried. I cried and cried. When the tears finally stopped, I went home and slept. The next morning, my mom called me. She apologized for her behavior and our argument. She'd never done that before. In college, I wrote about that time and I entitled it "The Solace Stone".

Just the other day I got an e-mail from a long-time friend. She's given me permission to include it on my blog. Here is the e-mail, almost in its entirety:

Hi Melisse,
Been enjoying your blog and look at it daily. The photos are super neat and you are really doing a great job!
I know you are real busy with everything, but I've been led to email you and tell you something.
It's not bad news, so don't set your hair on fire.
Some time back, you mentioned on your blog on Nov 9 th, this.........
What do I hope to accomplish by writing all these thoughts twirling around in my head? A few things, I suppose:
1) Know the Lord, and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.
2) Remember to call your mom, often.
3) Forgive petty faults and ignorant deeds.
4) Hold your kids, often.

So, what I want to write about is the #2, call your mom.
Shortly after your mom passed away, in my regular dusting and such I found something that I thought you might like to have. I had no idea this was in my possession. A forgotten something.
I took this as a sign from your mom, but at the time, I didn't think you would want this.
What it is, is a simple note, in my handwriting that I wrote down at the time frame you went on a trip. Maybe it was the bus ride, way back at the time we both worked for Vicki Williams.
It reads on the note paper, "Melisse's Mom 331-7609"
Apparently, you wanted me to be able to reach her - just in case.
The relationship you had with her at the time was complex, but you and she loved each other.
So, my question is, would you like to have this memento? I would love to mail it to you, if so.
You know I have some funky thoughts and I've talked about when my relatives pass away, they come and visit me, or my other good friends or family to let us know they are well and in God's hands. This especially seems to happen soon after their passing.
And I look at this as a gift from your mom, to me to give to you when the time was right if you wanted it.
And the reason why now I'm led to tell you this, more so than before, besides I knew last year the hurt was too fresh, is because of the Season.

I received that note today from my friend, Kathy.

I can't honestly say that I feel at peace about my mom's passing, but when I received this today, I did recall the time I'd visited my grandmother's grave. Maybe I should feel peace. Maybe I can. Or maybe it is a reminder that all people, regardless of their faults, need to be called on, called out to.

As we hurry ourselves preparing for holiday gatherings and events, let us all remember those that need to hear the Good News. Those that need to know that forgiveness can be theirs, just for the asking. Let us remember that we can all know that there is Peace the Passes ALL Understanding.

2006-12-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, Grandma bought a Fisher Price Nativity set for Makenzie for Christmas. I keep it put up in its box during the year and let her play with it at Christmas time. This year I didn't get it out because she's six now, as she so often reminds me, and not a baby anymore and I figured she wouldn't be totally forthcoming with sharing with Zoe, plus Zoe has her own FP Christmas village. Well, last week, when we put up the Christmas decorations, I had to keep reminding Makenzie that she shouldn't play with my Nativity set because the figurines are breakable. I caught her playing with the angel today--she was flying her over the FP dolls that go in Zoe's dollhouse. I reminded her again and then asked if Stevie would get her Nativity set down for her. Makenzie came downstairs and told me that Stevie couldn't find her "Activity set".

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all

2006-12-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

sorry guys, but I gotta tell ya...only 23 more days! Geesh!

Scarecrow buddies

2006-12-01T23:25:00.000-08:00

Scarecrow buddies
Originally uploaded by meldenham.

Grandma bought these for the kids after Thanksgiving. Stevie and Makenzie want to put these in their rooms! LOL!

2006-11-30T21:53:00.000-08:00

2006-11-30T15:56:00.000-08:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2006-11-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

There will be no picnics today!

I bought some peppermint mocha coffeemate--perfect for sipping and blogging.

Stay warm!

2006-11-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hidden Treasure Field Trip to the Shawnee Fire Department

Darick, Todd, Makenzie, Emma, Fireman Wood, Michael, Zoe, Joy, Stevie, and Ryan

We were "lucky" enough to witness an actual call. It was a medical call, which is what they mostly get. Lord willing, everything turned out alright.

The highlight for me was seeing the 'jaws of life'!

2006-11-29T08:18:00.000-08:00

Makenzie just loves her baby brother. She is so enamored with him that sometimes I have to remind her that she can't carry him or pick him up. She is always begging to hold him and I am constantly giving her another chance to prove that she can follow the rules. About every other time though, she just can't contain herself.
This morning, after feeding him, Makenzie asked to hold him. I acquiesced, with the command: "don't stand him up". After several minutes, I went in to check on them. Sitting on the couch, Makenzie had Isaac standing up and she was trying to manipulate his legs. I scolded her and went to save him and Makenzie's response was, "I was just trying to teach him to shuffle, hop, step"!

2006-11-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been using the old "I'm gonna tell Santa that you're being naughty" line on Zoe. She's not too sure who Santa is, but she knows he's going to bring her chocolate--her favorite. She doesn't really care about toys; if you ask her what she wants for Christmas, or what she wants Santa to bring, she'll tell you "chawtlut".
Tonight at the supper table, she was being less that angelic (hmm, imagine that!). Stevie told her that she better be careful or she might just find a lump of coal in her stocking come Christmas morning. Zoe then picked up her invisible cell phone and "beep beep beep"ed in a telephone number. She then said, "'lo? NO chawtlut." And then she hung up.
I'm still chuckling...

2006-11-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving!

Stevie and Makenzie did an awesome job on their clay turkeys. They made a lovely centerpiece for our Thanksgiving meal. We have so much to be thankful for! Praise God!

2006-11-21T22:57:00.000-08:00

The last time I colored my hair was right before I got pregnant with Isaac, hmm, carry the naught and add naught and let's see...about 18 months ago! We're having a family portrait taken tomorrow so, along with being called Grandma yet again, I finally decided it was time to color my hair. After applying all the dye and setting the timer, I came downstairs to get some computer time in. Several minutes later, I heard the timer and before I could get out of my chair, Stevie said, "oh no, Zoe". This is not what one wants to hear with permanent hair dye on one's head! Zoe thought she was being helpful by 'fixing' the timer. (She's also very good at closing doors, especially if I'm coming up from the basement with a heavy box in my hands.) I asked Stevie if she noticed how much time was left, of course she didn't. Did I look at the clock when I was done? Oh no, why would I, after all, I was setting a timer. Stevie thought it had maybe 10 minutes left. Well, I'm happy to report that I don't have green hair, although Stevie did try to scare me with that thought when I took the towel off my head. Now I know why I was waiting to color my hair...

2006-11-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

Third picture to make it to EXPLORE!

Why is this so exciting to me? Everyday, only 500 pictures are chosen from among hundreds of thousands and making it into this group makes me feel like I've accomplished something! Silly, huh? Oh well, I'm a kid at heart and all kids love attention!!

2006-11-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

I need help! I can't decide which one I like the best and so far, no one here has the same favorite. Please tell me which one (or two) you like the best. Why do I have to pick one (or two)? Glad you asked! Until I get a pro account on flickr (hint, hint, Santa), my upload is limited and I've got too many pictures to choose from. I've already done a couple of mosaics of shots of Isaac and I finally decided on one of Zoe and Makenzie, but I'm stumped on Stevie's. HELP!

2006-11-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

Number 1

2006-11-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

Number 2

2006-11-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

Number 3

2006-11-18T18:18:00.000-08:00

Number 4

2006-11-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's the holiday season or the soon-coming one-year anniversary of my mom's passing, but I've been thinking of her quite a bit lately. It is still hard to believe that she is gone. Probably because of the distance that was between us--not only physically but emotionally.

When I was young, we didn't always get along and I always hated her alcohol addiction, but I still clung to her as my mom. I remember being a kid and hating it when she took a nap--I would always check to see if she was breathing. I was terrified that she might die. I wonder if my kids think that way too; they never let me take a nap!

As I got older, especially after I had children, we drifted so far apart. Largely due to the fact that she moved to Port Isabel, Texas. We didn't communicate easily, so phone calls were few and far between. We always vacationed down there, so I did get to see her once a year or so, but she was so involved in her way of life, that we didn't fit in well. We would always have to make an appearance at the American Legion--a smoke-filled hole-in-the-wall bar. That place was her life; she was very proud to be a part of it. They made her an officer and she was always boasting of their good deeds. For me, though, it still seemed like such a waste. We would make our appearance and then there would be a phone call or two before I saw her again.

When Mom first died, all I could bring to mind were good memories. Now, I seem to be flooded with the childhood memories, most of which were not necessarily good. Confusing times.

Just last weekend, at Daniel's funeral, I saw my mom's family for the first time in years. It was the first for many to meet my three youngest kids. More than once, it was mentioned that they all resemble my mom; this is a fact, indeed!

What do I hope to accomplish by writing all these thoughts twirling around in my head? A few things, I suppose:

1) Know the Lord, and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.
2) Remember to call your mom, often.
3) Forgive petty faults and ignorant deeds.
4) Hold your kids, often.

2006-11-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

http://video.xanga.com/madenham/7befc122448/video.html
Stevie teaching Makenzie the Pledge of Allegiance
from November 2004

2006-11-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

Wool Dyeing

Today, our home school coop kids learned how to dye wool with Kool-Aid. It was fun and not as messy as I thought it would be. It smelled yummy and we are going to try to make God's eye ornaments http://www.uk-craft.com/projects/gods_eye.php from our yarn.

Thanks to Jill and Kim for teaching this class.

2006-11-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

http://video.xanga.com/madenham/9bad9120425/video.html
the first minute of Stevie's arena dance...for Troupe

2006-11-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

http://video.xanga.com/madenham/9d306119823/video.html
Who says boys don't scream?